Over the last year, I fell away from my spiritual practices. Anxiety, discouragement and disillusionment crafted a wedge to pull me away from people and practices that were once a source of light, strength and hope. This shadow phase did prove helpful in its own way (as shadow periods tend to do). It helped filter out voices that had grown too loud and influential in my life and got me back to the basic essentials for healthy spiritual practice.
But I sure have missed it - the introspection, celebration, and reflection that marks each seasonal turn of the year. Even the high holidays of Samhain and Yule went by last year with very little ritual, although I did find small ways to commemorate each day. Waking this morning on the eve of Imbolc, I felt the stirring of Spring yet to come. I felt a readiness to reconnect and root myself in spiritual practices again and I’m so grateful for it. My weariness is now replaced with hunger. I was weary and disillusioned with the [harmful] dismantling of systems and communities that I witnessed during the last year. Now I’m hungry to reconnect with the systems and communities who remain after the dismantling.
Several years ago when I first found this lovely, wandering path, I picked up the Llewellyn’s Sabbats Almanac to become better acquainted with each seasonal turn of the year. It was so helpful to me as I began to understand roots and contexts for observations, feelings and practices I’d long been observing already, some of them since childhood. After many months away from spiritual practice I find myself on the road, untethered from the ritual and routine that a home can provide. So once again I turned to the same book to help me step readily into the mindset of the season.
I’m grateful for books that I can download straight to my iPad and start reading right away, even as I’m far away from like-minded folk. I’m grateful that summarized compendiums such as these exist for beginners and regular spiritual practitioners alike. I’m grateful that my appetite for ritual and practice has returned, this time on more assured footing.
Because we are traveling tomorrow on Imbolc, I’m making the most of Imbolc Eve. I’m cleaning out the disorder from my current living space (a guest room) and wrapping up loose ends on some smaller unfinished projects to free up my energy for larger creative tasks that need my attention.
Tomorrow morning I’ll rise early for some straightening, ritual cleaning and small ceremony in our vehicle, our constant, homey companion over these last few months regardless of which guest rooms we frequent intermittently. I’m looking forward to spending that time with her and giving her that gift - she’s so much happier as a beloved, lived-in home than as only a vehicle for transport.
In addition to practical and ritual cleaning, I’m also letting go of unhealthy relationships and opening myself up to wholesome ones based on love, respect, acceptance and mutual trust. In all these ways I’m making way for the coming Spring - for light and life and growth. It feels good to be budding again.