It's an ongoing challenge to stay connected with people that I really care a lot about and with whom I've enjoyed a mutual sharing of our hearts and minds through tough and joyous times alike. Despite these past close connections, it's been increasingly difficult to actually connect with them in any kind of physical time or space. I used to text others to be proactive in organizing get-togethers, but grew weary of feeling like I was the only one putting in the effort. Lately I've backed off on trying to create physical space but still text to let them know I'm thinking about them. More often than not I hear nothing back. Throughout, my feelings have run the gamut from frustration to hurt to general grumpiness.
See, I had thought that perhaps this was an introvert problem. I am one, my friends are too, and for that (and other reasons) we can all be pretty big time homebodies. That's why I cared to make such a conscientious effort to reach out and kept persevering. Then, a friend explained to me about puddle, pond, lake and ocean people and I realized I'd misdiagnosed the situation.
Puddle, Pond, Lake or Ocean?
A puddle person is a mere acquaintance. Just as we can quickly and easily step over or around a puddle, we can navigate around these relationships pretty easily. We can jump right in for a splash and move on or we can circumvent them and avoid them entirely. A pond person takes up a little more space in our lives, and a lake person more than that.
The people in our ocean take up the most space of all; our closest relationship(s), the ones that we devote the most of ourselves and our time and energy to. We've worked hard to get to know them and we spend a lot of time with them maintaining and growing the relationship. Because of this commitment, it's appropriate to expect more from them in return. Not only that they reciprocate the investment, but that they provide a map and compass for us (and you for them) to help traverse the depth of the waters. Without this, one or both of us may soon feel that we are barely hanging on to a wreckage that offers little stability and lots of unknowns. Perhaps there is more than one person in your ocean. Perhaps your spouse is on the very same boat with you, plotting the same course, but your best friend in the world is also in your ocean; maybe on a nearby raft, or in the security of an island.
Throughout these watery bodies flows a stream to connect them all. This stream keeps the waters healthy by preventing stagnation. It allows people to move around from one body of water to the next, keeping life fresh.
Our maps are diverse and each looks and acts differently from all the others. It became clear to me that I wasn't combating introversion, but that I was trying to make pond-people into lake-friends. At one time we would have agreed that we were lake friends. I've still been operating on that assumption while it seems that things have changed for the others. No need to work at a lake-type investment for others who, due to various life circumstances, perhaps now view me in their pond.
Meanwhile, a new opportunity has risen just in the last couple of weeks that holds potential for new friendships. They are becoming pond-people from puddle-people and could someday maybe move into the lake. My waters will never be empty, they'll just shift around a bit.
